Wednesday Night MLS Orgy Heading Our Way

There's too much MLS tonight. That's not a complaint just a fact. Dallas play Toronto, Philly host Becks-less LA, and the Whitecaps welcome the Earthquakes to Vancouver to party like it's 1978 in a NASL redux match. How am I supposed to watch all three of those meaningful matches and the alleged "Arsenal of MLS"'s random foreign friendly du jour in Montreal tonight?*

The answer is probably "with an iPad, laptop and the TV all on at the same time." Basically I plan on making my living room a furnace of incremental radiation from the hours of 7pm to 12pm tonight. I would encourage you to do the same but I don't want to take responsibility for the drop in sperm count that you may experience due to 5 hours of "laptop lap."^

*Interesting that so far this year New York has played or announced friendlies in Mexico, Quebec, England and Arizona. Are dudes really an international draw now? Mind you the latter location is technically the U.S. but only for another few weeks if you believe the militia men and immigration-concerned people that yell at you on cable news.

^"laptop lap" is when you spend too much time on the couch on your computer and your wedding tackle becomes hot, uncomfortable and possibly useless.